During the past school year, I had experienced a severe conflict
with the lead teacher in the pre-k 4 classroom in which I worked last year.
This conflict arose from the fact that I had asked another colleague for advice
on how to cope with a challenge that the lead teacher and I were experiencing
with a student. This student was actually in that colleague’s classroom the
year before. I thought taking the initiative to ask for advice was a good idea.
The lead teacher felt offended that I asked for advice without telling her. I
felt the wrath of her anger over the phone and at a meeting with the principal
when she vented venomously that I was wrong to ask for advice without her
knowledge. She said that we needed “to fix” the situation of the behavior ourselves.
I knew that the situation of the child was bigger than the both of us to deal
with. Therefore, for the safety of the child, I decided to first remain silent
about her situation, but to follow the advice of the colleague who had her for
more than a year in her class. The second strategy that I implemented was to
ensure that she had something to eat every morning before she started to work
and although I did not know about the NVC and the 3R’s of communication, I started
building a rapport with her father to find out more about her. This helped a
great deal. I found out that giving her tasks to do was something she liked because
she was very helpful with her twin brother and sister.
A broader range of solutions could have been used to diffuse
the tension between us as the teachers. Some of the Nonviolent Communication
and Respectful, Reciprocal and Responsive principles could have been utilized
to help not only one student but all the students in our classrooms and even us
as teachers. Two of these strategies/solutions are respect for each other and a
willingness to understand our views and beliefs and how they affect our
interactions with others. These strategies/solutions would give “communicators
a chance to honestly and considerately explore the issues involved in the
conflict situation” in what is called “supportive climates” (O’Hair,
D., & Wiemann, M. (2012, p. 230). Within these climates, “communicators
are open to one another’s ideas and feelings and together construct reality
that induces productive resolution of the problems that instigated the conflict
in the first place” (2012, p.230). By doing this we can “resolve [our conflict]
with mutually beneficial results” (2012, p.230).
Reference
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M.
(2012). Real communication:
An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
Conflicts are such huge disadvantages for all involved. I think that our cultures and social identities play a vital role in how we communicate. Moreover, I believe that people are just that (people) and some people are not willing to invest in listening to others. Working through conflict can be hard and causes an unhealthy environment. NVC is excellent and I think that professionals need courses on conflict resolution not only when dealing with children but parents and coworkers. as well.
ReplyDeleteAhh, turf! Isn't it frustrating when we so something that we think is helpful and proactive on behalf of a child and get caught up in someones turf issues? I wonder why that teacher was triggered by your actions, it could have been that she felt that highlighting the issue shed a negative light on her. I would love to know how you came to a resolution here and how your relationship is with this teacher now. Thanks for your honesty and your post this week!
ReplyDeleteI must tell you Kathy that the resolution was a blessing for all of us. I was determined not to allow the problem to escalate by using negative words even when there were several attempts made to fuel the fire verbal attacks. She asked to be removed to another classroom and to cut a long story short, she decided not to return at the end of the year. It was indeed a tough year for the students as well. However, I drew on the the principles that I was taught as a child. "A still tongue is the keeper of a wise head." I think it is a quote from the Bible. My mother taught us when we were children to use this whenever we were attacked verbally. I did not now about the the principles of Non violence at the time.So I drew on my cultural values and religious beliefs to help me.
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog!
Sharon.